Ah, winter in the country...

Dear Diary:

Aug. 12 - Moved into our new home in Maine. It is so beautiful here. The hills and river valleys are so picturesque. I have a beautiful old oak tree in my front yard. Can hardly wait to see the change in the seasons. This is truly God's Country.

Oct. 14 - Maine is such a gorgeous place to live, one of the real special places on Earth. The leaves are turning a multitude of different colors. I love all of the shades of reds, oranges and yellows, they are so bright. I want to walk through all of the beautiful hills and spot some white tail deer. They are so graceful; certainly they must be the most peaceful creatures on Earth. This must be paradise.

Nov. 11 - Deer season opens this week. I can't imagine why anyone would want to shoot these elegant animals. They are the very symbol of peace and tranquility here in Maine. I hope it snows soon. I love it here!

Dec. 2 - It snowed last night. I woke to the usual wonderful sight: everything covered in a beautiful blanket of white. The oak tree is magnificent. It looks like a postcard. We went out and swept the snow from the steps and driveway. The air is so crisp, clean and refreshing. We had a snowball fight. I won, and the snowplow came down the street. He must have gotten too close to the driveway because we had to go out and shovel the end of the driveway again. What a beautiful place. Nature in harmony. I love it here!

Dec. 12 - More snow last night. I love it! The plow did his cute little trick again. What a rascal. A winter wonderland I love it here!

Dec. 19 - More snow - couldn't get out of the driveway to get to work in time. I'm exhausted from all of the shoveling. And that snowplow!

Dec. 21 - More of that white sh*t coming down. I've got blisters on my hands and a kink in my back. I think that the snowplow driver waits around the corner until I'm done shoveling the driveway. *sshole.

Dec. 25 - White Christmas? More freakin' snow. If I ever get my hands on the sonofab*tch who drives that snowplow, I swear I'll castrate him. And why don't they use more salt on these roads to melt this crap??

Dec. 28 - It hasn't stopped snowing since Christmas. I have been inside since then, except of course when that SOB "Snowplow Harry" comes by. Can't go anywhere, cars are buried up to the windows. Weather man says to expect another 10 inches. Do you have any idea how many shovelfuls 10 inches is??

Jan. 1 - Happy New Year? The way it's coming down it won't melt until the 4th of July! The snowplow got stuck down the road and the sh*thead actually had the balls to come and ask to borrow a shovel! I told him I'd broken 6 already this season.

Jan. 4 - Finally got out of the house. We went to the store to get some food and a god*mn deer ran out in front of my car and I hit the bastard. It did $3,000 in damage to the car. Those beasts ought to be killed. The hunters should have a longer season if you ask me.

Jan. 27 - Warmed up a little and rained today. The rain turned the snow into ice and the weight of it broke the main limb of the oak tree in the front yard and it went through the roof. I should have cut that old piece of sh*t into fireplace wood when I had the chance.

May 23 - Took my car to the local garage. Would you believe the whole underside of the car is rusted away from all of that d*mn salt they dump on the road? Car looks like a bashed up, heap of rusted cow sh*t.

May 10 - Sold the car, the house, and moved to Florida. I can't imagine why anyone in their freakin' mind would ever want to live in the G0d forsaken State of Maine.

A YouTube video you can't miss...

I'll admit it - I'm not a fan of YouTube. I've probably seen less than 6 videos on YouTube but this one you have to watch. Priceless.

Maine Man Song

See - aren't you glad you watched it? And now it will be stuck in your head the rest of the day. You're Welcome!!

- L.

Can't get there from here

Album mocked Maine ways

By Jerry Harkavy THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

PORTLAND, Maine— Some of the classic lines that define Maine humor emerged 50 years ago, on a record made by two Yale University students in a dormitory room.

Uttered in exaggerated Down East accents, the exchanges between Marshall Dodge and Robert Bryan on the “Bert and I” album inspired generations of storytellers both in-state and beyond, including the likes of Garrison Keillor of Lake Wobegone fame.

Some of Dodge and Bryan’s bone-dry punch lines remain familiar even today.


Summer tourist to Mainer: “Which way to Millinocket?” After considering and then rejecting a few possible routes, the native concludes, “Come to think of it, you can’t get there from here.”

Then there’s the day 85-year-old Arnold Bunker “from Bailey Island way” appears in court. Asked if he’d lived there all his life, he replies: “Not yet.”

Maine’s Islandport Press has marked the 50th anniversary of “Bert and I” by putting out a CD that features 34 stories compiled from Dodge and Bryan’s four albums, a concert appearance by Dodge and a public television special.

Though neither was from Maine, Dodge and Bryan were familiar with the state and its people and had a keen ear for dialect, along with a knack for low-tech sound effects. Their first recording, made in their dorm room at Yale University, featured a wastebasket as an echo chamber.

They made 50 copies for friends and family members, then pressed 50 more.

Dodge died in 1982 in a hit-and-run crash while bicycling in Hawaii.

Bryan, a divinity student who went on to be ordained as an Episcopal priest, is a bush pilot, at 77, with the Quebec Labrador Foundation, a nonprofit he founded nearly 50 years ago.

http://www.telegram.com/article/20081111/NEWS/811110501

Okay, this one is a little off-topic...

But I had to share...

Fake cop pulls gun after stopping federal agent

Police say a 21-year-old Portland man used a blue portable strobe light to pull over a car on Forest Avenue, then pulled a shotgun when approached by the off-duty federal agent he had stopped.

Andrew J. Chaisson faces charges of impersonating an officer and criminal threatening with a gun following the 11 p.m. incident Monday.

The federal agent told police a man in a black 2007 Chevrolet pickup activated a blue strobe light and pulled him over on Outer Forest Avenue.

The truck then backed into a driveway, squealing its tires. The agent became suspicious and was approaching the truck on foot, when the driver threatened him with a shotgun, police said.

The suspect fled in the truck but the agent got the license plate number, a vanity plate "ACE HI."

Police went to Chaisson's home where he was arrested and a shotgun was confiscated, police said.

Police said they have no similar reports of someone impersonating an officer.
Police say that unmarked cars are used for traffic enforcement but typically have multiple blue lights built into the car's grill and have laptop computers and radar visible in the cab. Officers are in uniform.

Police say motorists being pulled over by an unmarked car should stop in a well-lit, well-traveled area if possible and may call 911 to confirm that a bona fide officer is stopping them. If the officer is not in uniform, the motorist should ask that a uniformed officer also respond.

Please go to the article for a picture and comments which, of course, are priceless...